Out of Combat Conflict: Mediation at the Game Table
In the first part of this series, we examined how to handle conflicts at a TTRPG table. Intense moments in gameplay can stir emotions that might leak into real world relationships. As a Game Master, you’re not just building adventures, but also guiding conflict resolution. Often, addressing these issues promptly restores balance to your game and keep the enjoyment for all participants.
However, some conflict is not resolved this easily. Disagreements may be more persistent, causing repeated interventions. Other situations might be of such a magnitude that casual discussions are insufficient. These challenging situations call for an additional tool in your Game Master’s toolkit - a mediator.
We'll examine the concept of a mediator and their qualities for successful mediation. We will also look at some common mistakes to avoid during mediation, as well as provide some guidance on when a mediator might be necessary. This knowledge will give you the skills you need to ensure your TTRPG sessions remain fun and that the conflict stays in the story. So join me as I continue this, look at how to resolve conflict at the table.
What is a Mediator?
You might ask right now, “What is a mediator?”. A mediator functions as a neutral third party, either an individual or a group whose goal is to make sure the conversation is going as smoothly as possible. Their aim is to promote clear communication and a fair resolution.. In the game world, this would often be the duty of a ruler. Two merchants might appear before the ruler to state their grievances towards one another and await a ruling from them. While what we are doing is not as official, the role remains similar.
Having a mediator can be useful in a few situations. If a situation persists, talking with a mediator may be necessary.. An additional perspective can better communicate to the party involved and get the point across better.
When a conflict is larger or more serious, a mediator might be necessary. Especially if this is a situation where one or more of the parties involved are extremely frustrated. When someone feels strongly about the situation or one or more of the involved parties, you will want to deescalate the situation. Here, having a third party will be useful to make sure that you can move towards a resolution.
We do not need a mediator in all situations, as you can see. A lot of times you will resolve the conflict with a simple conversation or two, like what I talked about in part 1 [PART 1 ARTICLE]. So don’t feel you have to have a mediator if you think you can resolve your situation easily.
Role of a Mediator
While a mediator will primarily act as a neutral third party, the role involves more than that. Acting as a mediator requires a solid grasp on effective conflict resolution strategies.
Open Communication
A mediator facilitates dialogue between all parties.. They provide a platform for everyone to speak and validate each other's experience. The goal here is to create an environment of mutual respect and that everyone feels like they are heard.
Clarify Misunderstandings
A mediator will also help clarify any misunderstandings. One of the major causes of conflict often arises because of misinterpretations or misconceptions. Perhaps in your game, a player took an action that ended up hurting the party more than expected. The rest of the party might see this as done maliciously when the true intention was far from it. The mediator can facilitate understanding by questioning, summarizing, and restating.
Assist in Problem Solving
A mediator helps generate solutions. Once everyone is clear on what's going on, the mediator will help them find a resolution. They will ensure that all proposed solutions are considered and discussed equally. The mediator does not, however, dictate the solution themselves. This is important to remember since it can get forgotten in the moment.
Future Strategies
Finally, a mediator will often guide the group towards coming up with strategies for managing conflict if it arises. This can be as simple as setting ground rules for dialogue or discussing potential triggers, or as in-depth as having planned check-ins in order to identify and address issues before they escalate.
Understanding the roles of a mediator can help you guard whether you need one, and if so, what to look for when choosing a mediator.
Choosing a Mediator
So who can you use as a mediator? This depends on your specific conflict, and can vary depending on specific elements of it. The mediator you choose should make everyone feel like their thoughts and feelings are being heard in a safe and neutral environment. If a mediator shows favoritism or has a conflict of interest, it could impede the goal of this resolution.
Yourself
As Game Masters, we have to wear a lot of hats. Besides running the game, we rely heavily on our Soft Skills group management skills to make our table work. D&D groups are like many other groups or teams and rely on a variety of abilities. Often, conflict resolution is a part of those jobs.
Frequently, a GM will often have to play the role of Mediator. Their role in the dynamic of the group, as well as the neutrality that a good Game Master maintains, means that they can act as a neutral arbiter when the situation calls for it.
However, this does not always work. First, it is likely that you as the Game Master might be the involved, especially if you are dealing with Intraparty Conflict. While you might aim for neutrality as the person behind the screen, that does not always happen. If the disagreement you are trying to help de escalate involves a close friend, family member, or loved one, then the other person might immediately assume that there will be a bias in the situation.
Player
In many tables, GMs will delegate tasks to their players. It might make running a game easier if you have a person who gives the session recap or manages a list of NPCs. Asking someone to assist in conflict is similar. If you have a player that is especially skilled at conflict resolution, this can be quite useful, or if you are involved in the conflict.
However, having a player act as a mediator can cause an imbalance in the usual group dynamic. While having a GM resolve problems can feel normal, having a player step in can make the parties involved feel like they are getting a place above them in the group. It can cause uncomfortable feelings during or after the conflict has been resolved, and that the GM is playing favorites with their player-mediator.
Third Party
A third option is to find someone outside of your group to help mediate the conflict. You can use a TTRPG player (or Game Master) from a different table, or someone not involved with the hobby at all.This separation helps to avoid bias. It can also help with the resolution since the mediator will not be someone affected by the decision, at least directly.
That distance can come with drawbacks, however. That separation also can mean lack of understanding. If the mediator is not part of your group, they may struggle to understand the conflict. This can make communication more difficult since context will need to be given.
Your mediator choice will depend on your situation. Some good questions to ask when choosing your mediator are:
Who is this between? The GM might easily deal with in the group a dispute between two players. But if you, the GM, are part of the conflict, then you cannot choose yourself. If it involves anyone that you think you could have favoritism towards, then it will be useful to find someone besides yourself.
Is it Intraparty or Intragroup? Conflict can come from many places at the table. You can have issues that stem from the game itself, or just from the challenges that come with any group of people working together. If you have a situation that involves the specifics of the game, you will want to make sure that you have someone who understands the game, at least to a degree. Additionally, Intraparty problems can influence what happens in the game. A specific ruling may appear biased if it hinders or helps a player.
What are the potential outcomes? The stakes of any disagreement can have a huge effect on how people close to a group will decide on them. In conflicts with smaller outcomes, it will be easier for you and your players to stay more neutral in the situation. But as the stakes get higher, it can draw others into it. If a decision could affect whether or not your game continues and, if it does, how it continues, that means that those involved will have a reason to want to avoid that. This can help with the resolution, but can also create bias.
Traits of a Skilled Mediator
Besides choosing where your mediator comes from (a neutral party, a player, or yourself) you will also want to focus on the skills of the person involved. As a mediator, there are some key attributes you want to focus on.
Patience: A good mediator will want to be patient. We can often see conflict as a roadblock between a group and continuing their gameplay, and this can lead to the need to resolve things quickly. Trying to force a resolution can cause making the situation worse than before. Having the patience to let each side take the time to explain their thoughts and feelings and understand one another will help keep the process smooth.
Impartial: You will also want a mediator that stays impartial to the conflict at hand. If you have a mediator that has bias (or appears to have bias) it can make one or more of the parties involved feel attacked or at a disadvantage. This turns what is supposed to be a compromise and understanding into a debate, and keeps the playing field hostile.
Strong Communication Skills: You will also want to have a mediator with strong communication skills. As we mentioned, different perspectives can play a large role in the conflict at hand. A mediator that can understand and display empathy with each side while serving as a communication bridge between one another can help resolve that difference proactively. These skills can help to prevent a situation from escalating and lead to a resolution.
Common Mediating Mistakes
Mediation can be a delicate process. Even going in with the best intention, there is the chance to make a mistake that can hinder the process of conflict resolution. Being aware of some common mistakes helps you better serve as a mediator and enhance the overall effectiveness of your mediation.
Bias: A mediator should be a neutral party. This facilitates open, honest communication between all parties, and helps bring resolution. Having a bias, or even appear to have a bias, can hurt the conflict resolution process. It can even cause one or more of the parties to feel unheard or disadvantaged and make the situation worse. A mediator must remain impartial and treat all parties equally throughout the mediation process.
Solving the Problem Themselves: A mediator should facilitate the resolution, but not resolve it themselves. This might resolve the problem, but it does not come from the parties themselves. The goal of mediation is to have the mediator guide both parties to a resolution that they agree upon. Offering solutions can make a mediator feel more like a boss or superior, which can weaken the resolution.
Focusing on Surface Issues: The immediate conflict can be just one part of a larger, more complex problem. A mediator who focuses on only the most visible and present conflict will resolve the issues only temporarily. In order to be successful, conflict resolution should resolve the underlying issues as well.
Allowing One Party to Dominate: It is always a risk that one party might dominate the conversation. This can happen by interrupting, speaking for a long time, or dismissing the other party’s statements. If the mediator does not manage this, the quieter party may not express their perspective fully, and it will derail the process.
Lack of Follow-Up: Mediation doesn’t end with resolving the immediate conflict. Often, an effective mediator will check in with the parties after some time to ensure that the agreed upon resolution is being adhered to, as well as address any new conflicts. Without follow-up, the agreed upon plans made might not be implemented, or fall apart.
Avoiding these common mistakes can make sure that a mediator can more effectively address and resolve conflict, creating longer lasting resolutions.
Conclusion
Conflict at the gaming table is a complex and inevitable occurrence that demands delicate handling. While not always needed, the use of a mediator can help to de-escalate tensions effectively. Be it an impartial third party, a player, or you the Game Master, choosing the right mediator, acknowledging their roles, understanding the traits they need to possess, and being aware of common mistakes are crucial steps in the process to conflict resolution.
A mediator can facilitate open communication, clarify misunderstandings, assist in problem solving, and strategize for future conflicts. This will resolve the current conflict and also lay the groundwork for managing potential conflicts, which will make for a much more enjoyable table.
However, not all conflicts can be completely resolved. Sometimes a resolution involves making some hard decisions, such as asking a player to leave the table entirely. In my next post in this series, I will delve into these kinds of situations, exploring how to handle things when conflict resolution fails. Ultimately, it’s about keeping the integrity of the game and the enjoyment of the remaining players intact, even when faced with these tough decisions.