Out of Combat Conflict
The party rushed into the dungeon, trying to save the kidnapped villagers as quickly as possible. They felt every minute wasted could mean disaster. As your party rushes in, they find themselves in the middle of a trap. Surrounded by bandits, the guard holds one prisoner at knife point. One wrong move and he attacks. The party freezes, not knowing what to do. There is room for discussion, but the barbarian acts at the moment. Rushing forth, he lunges towards the Bandit Captain. A battle begins, and the party scrapes through. The group can save most of the villagers, but some were unfortunate casualties. While some players celebrate this as a victory, others regard it as a defeat. A few pack up silently, the frustration clear on their faces. What is a GM to do?
If you GM long enough, you will run into situations like this. TTRPGs, especially combat-centric games like Dungeons and Dragons, can be stressful. All of those story elements that make an exciting game can, with the right mix of other variables, lead to a lot of frustration. While those powerful emotions can be great at the table, they can sometimes bleed over into the real world, as in the instance described above. When they do, heated words can be said and feelings may get hurt. In my time as a GM, I have had it happen unfortunately, but it has helped me come up with some tips on how to handle Out of Combat Conflicts.
The Nature of Conflict in D&D
Conflict can have many sources. As we have many layers when we form our group and step into the world of fantasy, so does the stress and frustration that can cause conflict. It is important to identify where this conflict comes from in order to best handle it. Dealing with a problem in the game itself can differ from dealing with general group problems. Because of this, I break these conflicts into two major categories: Intraparty Conflict and Intragroup Conflict.
Intraparty Conflict: Within the Game World
Intraparty Conflict arises from issues within the game world, specifically among members of the adventuring party. One such source is when the mechanics of the game lead to dissatisfaction at the table.
Imagine, for example, a player with terrible luck in combat. In combat, they come up against an enemy that can stun or incapacitate them, effectively removing them from combat. For whatever reason, the player cannot seem to break free of this, and become frustrated with their inability to act.
Conflict can also come from the story itself, coming from specific story elements. Having captured the bandit captain they’ve been tracking for weeks, the party must decide: bring him to justice or exact immediate revenge? While most of the party (and the players) agree to take the high road, the party Ranger disagrees. Over a long rest watch, they take justice into their own hands, to the horror of everyone else.
Intragroup Conflict: Outside the Game World
But conflict can also come from outside of the game as well. This conflict that affects the group of players independent of their characters is what I call Intragroup Conflict. This comprises all the elements of conflict that happen to a group but are not necessarily unique to a TTRPG.
One such example of Intragroup Conflict is scheduling, the real BBEG of any D&D campaign. Having to call off a night of rolling dice and combat can disrupt momentum, and raise tempers, especially if it is last minute. This can cause tempers flaring as the game they were expecting to have is suddenly unavailable to them. It can also come from player behavior. Bad etiquette from one player can frustrate the rest of the table and build frustration.
Both types of conflict can blend with one another and create a situation that is larger than the sum of its parts. If the party has had to deal with a player regularly canceling or showing up late, it may make any narrative or mechanic based conflict much worse.
Effects of Conflict
The effects of conflict can vary based on where they come from and the relative intensity of each conflict source. When they occur, they can lead to frustrations and disagreements at the table. A player might lash out at another player, or at you as the GM, expressing their frustration with the situation. There might also be less obvious examples, such as a player becoming more reserved, withdrawing from the game as a reaction to their frustration. When these moments happen, they will affect the group dynamic. If one player has conflict with another, it will affect how the entire team functions together. Players frustrated with one another cannot work together as well, and one or more players stop contributing entirely. Any conflict with you as the GM can also skew a player’s perspective of the game. The trap they randomly fell into might feel you created it out of malice, when in fact the situation was just a chance of the game. The idea of that might even lead you, as the GM, to give preferential treatment to the player to appease them or avoid further conflict.
If not dealt with, this conflict can cause a snowball effect. Small areas of conflict may resolve themselves, but can often grow and fester if not resolved. Those smaller slights start to build and build, turning from frustration and aggravation to resentment. This can drive a wedge into a group, slowing down gameplay and story progression. If one or more players have conflict with someone else at the table (another player or you), it becomes harder to work together and have that smooth story flow. It can also spread around the table. If you notice it as a GM, it is likely that one or more of your players not involved will notice it. As the conflict persists, it can act as a drain on the mood. Worst-case scenario, this unresolved conflict can cause a game to slow to a halt, and cause a campaign to end unresolved.
By being aware of what to look for and how to react, you can identify conflict earlier and be prepared to deal with it as a DM. The first step is acknowledging that it can be a problem, followed by what it looks like, and by this point in reading, you have completed step one and two.
Understanding Different Perspectives
Individual perspectives can play a large role in any conflict, especially at the TTRPG table. Incomplete or skewed individual knowledge can color an understanding of a situation. This can take something that was done accidentally or because of situations beyond our control and make it seem intentional or malice. Our games often rely heavily on hidden knowledge. A GM crafts a story with hidden twists and turns to create an exciting story that will shock and awe the party. Player characters will often have hidden motives and past trauma that are not entirely known to everyone. The game itself really lends to creating different perspectives, and sometimes this can be detrimental.
When trying to understand the source of conflict, it is very important to understand the perspective of each player involved. Since there will always be some sort of bias because of their limited knowledge or point of view, it will often lead to the escalation in conflict. The table might see a distracted or tardy player as being rude to the table, when it actually comes from real-world problems that are weighing heavily on them. The player does not mean to detract from the experience of others intentionally, but it comes as a side effect.
It is also important to recognize how a GM’s decisions can also play into this, because of the difference in perspective. On top of the limited perspective of players and group members, you, as the GM, have a unique position. Your [GM VISION ARTICLE] gives you the unique situation of having a large amount of perspective over the player characters and the story itself, even knowing where it will go. Sometimes these choices can unintentionally lead to disagreements because of the difference in perspective between you and your players. For example, when the party completes an adventure, they get the chance to be rewarded with a magical sword. Because of the choices the party has taken, this will be the third magical item that benefits the martial characters in the party. Unintentionally, some casters in the party may feel excluded from getting exciting items. Understanding these differences in perspectives helps you take the first step in resolving any conflicts that arise.
Communication Techniques
Transparent communication is crucial when dealing with both intraparty and intragroup conflict. Ensuring that everyone involved understands one another makes it easier to reach mutual understanding. This leads to empathy, creating an environment conducive to conflict resolution. When I first started GMing, this task seemed daunting, but over time, I’ve found key strategies to enhance communication and manage conflict effectively.
1. Allow for Cooling-Off Periods: Conflicts heat emotions, and while it may seem intuitive to resolve issues quickly, sometimes parties need time to process their feelings. Encourage everyone involved to take a brief break from the issue, allowing time for reflection. For instance, imagine two characters having a passionate but heated argument that spills over into real life, causing tension between players. Recognizing that emotions are high, you decide to end the session early to allow everyone to cool off. However, it’s also important to...
2. Not Delay Discussion Too Long: While cooling-off periods are essential, don’t wait too long to address the problem. The longer the delay, the harder it becomes to address the issue effectively. Aim to start the discussion within a few days, no longer than a week after the issue arose. Following the previous example, you’d schedule a time within the next couple of days to address the situation.
3. Engage Parties Individually First: Before bringing everyone together for a group discussion, it’s helpful to talk with each party separately. This provides everyone with an opportunity to express their feelings and concerns freely. It also helps you understand different perspectives better. For instance, you may have a player who consistently overrules others during decision-making processes. While they might just be taking the initiative, this could create friction within the group. You can address this by engaging each player individually before the next session.
4. Encourage “I” Statements: It’s all too easy to point fingers during conflicts. To prevent this, encourage the use of “I” statements. Instead of “You made me angry,” try “I felt upset when...”. This shifts the focus from blame to personal feelings, promoting more productive discussions. For instance, when addressing the player who overrules others, facilitate a conversation where players use “I” statements to express their feelings rather than assigning blame.
5. Identify the Core Issue: Conflicts often stem from underlying issues that may not be immediately apparent. Aim to identify the root cause of the disagreement. Asking questions like “What sparked the conflict?”, “Who are you upset with?” and “What do you think can resolve the conflict?” can guide the conversation towards resolution and prevention of future issues. Using the “I” statements strategy, you can more easily identify the core of the problem and come up with suitable solutions.
It’s important for the group to agree on how to handle situations that might lead to conflict. Reaching a consensus helps ensure everyone agrees and reduces misunderstandings.
These tips are certainly not the only ones, but they are the ones I found most important. By keeping each one in mind when faced with conflict, I’ve found that deescalation becomes more achievable.
Examples of Conflict and Resolution
Now that we have an idea in mind of how to identify and resolve conflict, let’s look at some examples of disagreements at the table, and where they can come from. With each example, I will provide a basic approach for how to resolve it. This is general and may not fit your specific situation.
Player-Player Disagreements
The party defeats a minion of the BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy) and finds a journal among his possessions. The party paladin takes the journal and, without talking to any other players, rips out and burns pages of the journal. When questioned, the player stands by his character’s actions, saying “That is what my character would do.
While the paladin’s player felt they were playing to their character, their choice disrupts an important part of the game: making group decisions. Even if it’s something their character would do, D&D is a cooperative game. Actions that significantly affect the group should ideally be decided upon together, even if it does not entirely feel in character.
I would talk to the player about why he made that choice without talking to his party. Then I would talk with the rest of the table to help them better organize their feelings, focusing on how the action of the paladin made them feel, and how they would want to proceed in the future. Then with everyone together we would aim to get an understanding. While this may have made sense to the party Paladin, out of game, it makes for an unbalanced situation that happened because “my player would do that”.
You can also work to avoid this by encouraging players to develop their characters in a way that considers a group dynamic. We GMs can do this in a few ways, such as having a group character building session before you start your campaign.
Player Attendance Issues
A player is frequently late to the table, in times varying from 5 to 30 minutes. When the player arrives late, they will often interrupt the game when they come in. A few of the other members of the table have found this to be distracting and have expressed this at the table..
In this situation, I would want to talk with the late player about their attendance issues. I want to determine if it’s because of factors outside their control or not. Perhaps the player has to coordinate with a babysitter or take care of a sick relative, and sometimes that takes longer than expected. If that is the case, then I would then want to talk about best practices for showing up late, suggesting that the player let the table know ahead of time if possible and if they do have to show up late, doing so quietly to not disrupt the game. If the tardiness is not coming from something out of their control, the focus would be on being more timely. Then I would want to talk to the player or players frustrated, and work to communicate the situation. Either we will understand the tardiness as something out of their control, or it is something they need to improve upon.
A situation like this can frustrate for more than one player. [TIME ARTICLE] Establishing clear expectations around start times and how to treat cancellations can do a lot to minimize these kinds of conflicts. Encouraging open communication amongst your players (and yourself) can help to deal with these situations early on. If one player is regularly late, it's time to talk and find a solution that works for everyone. Open communication and understanding can effectively resolve conflict..
Player-GM Disagreements
Though you are an equal member at the table, disagreements between the GM and one or more players happen differently than between two players. This comes from the imbalance of roles at the table. As a GM, you have much more control over the story and what happens than a normal player. You also have more knowledge of the story, knowing what happens behind the scenes as well as what awaits the group in the future. The GM additionally has more responsibility, having to keep the other players and the rest of the campaign in mind with decisions that are made. This can create a situation where the difference in perception can cause conflicts.
A player has been meticulously crafting a powerful synergy of spells and abilities. They have come up with a combination that, once all the pieces are together, will have a powerful synergy. It will give the player an enormous advantage. This player spends a lot of time and resources in the game on this and finally unleashes their plan. Unfortunately, the GM does not allow the ability to work, citing that the RAW (Rules as Written) does not match the RAI (Rules as Intended, or Spirit of the Rules), and sides with the latter. This leaves the player with a character that, while having a variety of abilities, does not have the same power as intended. Unable to pull off their combo, the player withdraws for the rest of the session, engaging minimally.
This conflict arises from a failure to communicate. The player kept their plans in secret from the Game Master, not reaching out to make sure that their idea would work. Sometimes this happens because a player feels like telling a GM about their plan means they will counter it, ruining their ideas. Other times this comes from a player wanting to surprise the rest of the table with their hard work. The GM also might not have properly conveyed how they handle rule disputes, especially with RAW vs RAI, making this decision feel like it singles out the player specifically. The GM may have allowed a similar situation to occur, furthering the feeling of being singled out. To avoid such misunderstandings, it’s beneficial to have a clear policy regarding RAW vs RAI. This can help ensure that all players understand how rule disputes will be handled, reducing the potential for conflict.
In this situation, you want to identify how the actions made both parties feel, focusing on the “I feel ___ because ___” statement that was mentioned above. The player may in fact feel singled out because, in their opinion, this should have been allowed. The GM may feel frustrated because this kind of bending of the rules takes away from their adventure prep, and imbalances the party. Once both sides have talked it out, they should meet a decision. The GM should strive to maintain fairness and impartiality in this decision. If the GM overstepped or was not fair, it will make sense to retcon moving forwards to allow the player to use their ability. If the player made the wrong choice, they should adjust their character to make up for the now ineffective character build.
Preventing Future Conflict
The best defense against conflict is a good offense: prevention. If you work to keep them from happening and to have rules and practices ahead of time, you will have fewer conflicts and they will resolve much more quickly.
Setting expectations early on also helps to give everyone a general idea of the rules and guidelines at play in your game. Expectations for player behavior, character alignment, PVP, and character death should all be addressed.. Addressing these and other areas in the game means that players will know how to approach potentially frustrating situations where emotions could run high. This also extends to out-of-game expectations, like scheduling and handling cancellations, ensuring everyone understands the expectations and responsibilities of participating in the game.
Fostering a culture of respect and inclusivity at the table is also key to preventing conflicts. This includes respecting each other’s boundaries, ensuring that everyone’s voice is heard, and creating a safe space for all players, regardless of their experience level, gender, race, or any other factor. The GM plays a key role in setting this tone, modeling respectful communication and fair play, and encouraging the same from their players.
We can effectively implement both strategies during a Session Zero discussion. Session Zeros, for those unfamiliar, are the sessions that happen prior to the start of a campaign. They can often include laying out the setting, rules, and guidelines that will be used in the upcoming game. A Session Zero discussion is essential to having a solid campaign, and can prevent problems from occurring down the road. I find them so useful that I will often have small discussions during my campaign, which I call “Session 0-2s”, to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves and that open communication is being maintained.
Wrapping Up
Conflict can be an unpleasant experience at the table. Disruptions can take away from gameplay enjoyment.. Even worse, if you do not deal with these situations it can slow and eventually stop a campaign, causing it to have to end. That is why it is important to understand conflicts. As a GM you want to identify where the conflict stems from to address it the best way possible.
You can take this a step further, by taking preventative measures to avoid these problems. Clear communication and a strong Session 0 can minimize conflicts and make them easier to manage..
Dealing with conflicts constructively is crucial to the health and enjoyment of the game. However, there may be occasions where conflicts escalate or persist despite your best efforts. These situations can be challenging and may require more complex conflict resolution strategies. I will explore some of these scenarios, and how to navigate them, in an upcoming article, so stay tuned.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. Have you encountered conflicts in your TTRPG games? How have you handled them? What strategies have you found effective in managing conflict? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below. Your input could help other GMs navigate these tricky situations and create a more enjoyable gaming experience for everyone.